I think next time I open

my mouth up everything

will spill out

((like that night

i drank   t  o  o   much vodka))

I think that all the

love in my heart will

pass through the filters

seep onto the carpet

dripping wet

lips.

All the passing days

will still pass

((.your days and my

days are not the same days.))

to say the least

i miss you clutching, holding, grasping

me and your face scratching my neck.

1. deep tissue massage.

2. king of the hill.

3. blueberry oatmeal stout

so excited

I want to be starry-eyed always

I want to be

engulfed in

catacombs of

warmthsexsleepwonder.

sunlight always on me, always.

my eyes are starry eyed always,

I am unwound.

my heart is twisted up in a

knot so big

my stomach hurts.

I am always endlessly adoring:

an unrelentless

self-defeatist.

how do I know what is true

if it hurts my head to doubt?

how do I know if it’s true,

the siamese twinloversalwaysloving,

if I am only seldom starry eyed?

dumfounded,bewitched

always dissappointed

nearly.

I can’t wait to get paid! I want a giant parka and a new mattress and an apartment and IKEA furniture and records!

+ I start work today, 10-4 with the owner, scary!

+ my cat is being adorable at the moment

+ Tonight will be full of sparkly fun, I will make ke$ha proud.

+Resolutions+

-lose 15 lbs throughout the year

-find a different job that pays more than $13/hour

-kiss brian as much as possible :]

Now that i have a job, I can start to look for apartments with my friends. I love my mom and all, but I CANNOT live here for much longer. I went away to school to get away from the hateful environment that my house has turned into, almost 100% because of my Step Dad. It is a long story, but I essentially have never spoken to him and he has lived in my house for over ten years and caused me a lot of fear and anxiety. He is an alcoholic and a misogynist and I can’t listen to him speak to my Mom like he does on a daily basis, it wears down at me and makes me depressed.

So Jess & I have been looking for apartments. I hope my job gives me 40 hours a wk.

I’m employed! woo, go me. I’m currently in Auburn visiting my lovely boyfriend. i’ve been awake since 930 and he is STILL asleep, actually laying right next to me. I want him to wake up so we can chomp on mexican food, but he’s just a lazy pile of bones.

We had a nice day yesterday, Auburn is weird, and we went to this crazy diner wich is built over a river.

y u cure my soul?

Today I have an interview at a temp agency & then at massage envy & tomorrow I have one at Dial America….wish me luck everyone!

$$$MONEY$$$

[I miss my boyfriend]

A couple hours after we went to lunch I started vomming everywhere and then took a 5 hour nap…what could cause such things?

I ate veggies wet shoes which is like french fries with awesome lentils, peppers, cheese & hot sauce. and a pita wrap with eggplant, french fries and stufffffff. FUCK, it tasted so good.

And WELP, now I’m awakeeeee. Time to do work, I guess, right?